Clang, Clang, Clang Went The Folly

DANIEL RUTH
Published: Dec 13, 2004

Normally, Hillsborough County Commissioner Kathy Castor is so soberly circumspect she makes Margaret Thatcher look like Lucille Ball meets the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

Good grief, this woman was probably born wearing sensible pumps and June Cleaver pearls.

So what other explanation could there be that Commissioner Castor awoke the other morning and promptly had an anvil dropped on her head?

For it was the good commissioner last week who argued that spending $7 million to extend the Tampa Streetcar system a few feet would somehow transform downtown Tampa into the glory that is Kabul.

In the cosmic scheme of things, proponents for expanding the trolley system want to go from A to ..., well, A.

A Double

Or put another way the trolleyphiles who adore the $53 million- over-budget streetcar system, which is really little more than a glorified theme park ride, want to spend an additional $7 million to expand the tracks approximately three-eighths of a mile, or roughly just under 2,000 feet; about $3,535-per foot, more or less.

And Kathy Castor argued this was a spiffy idea because extending the trolley system about the length of the ``Monster'' 16th hole at Akron Firestone Country Club would somehow be just the ticket to turn downtown Tampa, which more closely resembles the Trail of Tears, into the Las Vegas strip.

Oh, bartender! Let me have what the commissioner is pounding down - and make it a double!

``It [the trolley] gets people out of their cars and that is the purpose of the move,'' Castor said.

Why is it that otherwise normally rational people, once they get elected to the Hillsborough County Commission, eventually become more delusional than John Hinckley?

Really, now, does the commissioner honestly believe that by merely laying down a few feet more of trolley track, Tampanians will abandon their cars, which in turn would magically transform the city into such a thriving, pulsating town vibrating with excitement that Paris will come off as Fort Lonesome by comparison?

A Curiosity

The Streetcar Named Debenture is really little more than a toy - a very, very, very expensive toy, but transportation's answer to ``Bag-O-Glass'' nevertheless.

And now its backers want to spend $7 million more to extend the American Flyer-from-hell from Sturm to Drang?

Cue: ``Clang, Clang, Clang Went The Folly.''

The problem, obviously, is that the Streetcar Named Conspire was never designed or intended to function as a commuter rail system.

Rather, it's a curiosity, a means to move tourists from the Channel District area to Ybor City.

In the abstract, that's quaint. In reality, after you spend $53 million on faux nostalgia, that's insanity.

And Castor, along with her fellow travelers on the Choo-Choo of Fools, want to drop $7 million more to extend the Bi-Polar Depression Express?

Sigh. Wouldn't that be a bit like spending more money to add sand to Death Valley?

A few days ago, the Hillsborough County Metropolitan Planning Organization, voted 6-5 against a proposal, which would have tried to secure $3 million in federal transportation dollars to begin work on extending the Disoriented Express.

And in what had to be a parallel universe moment, it was MPO board member and Castor's county commission colleague Ronda Storms, who is usually the Virginia Wolfe of Hillsborough government, who committed common sense by noting the Great Trolley Robbery was a politically motivated decision that disenfranchised the transportation needs of other communities.

Oh dear.

Ronda Storms? Logic?

The end is near.

MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER STORM.........

During an emergency meeting last Thursday, County Commissioner Ronda Storms referred to venue owner Clear Channel Entertainment when she said: "A bane upon them; may the worms of your avarice consume your intestines, Clear Channel."  Clear Channel ``is playing with us,'' Commissioner Jim Norman said. ``It's that's simple.''

Storms and Norman are at it Again.

Commissioners said they are not trying to permanently shut down the 20,000-person capacity venue, which opened in July at a cost of about $23 million. Rather, they are seeking permanent measures by Clear Channel to keep concert noises from bleeding into the surrounding neighborhoods.

Noise could be mitigated at the venue by way of structural modifications, changing the direction of speakers or simply lowering sound levels on speakers, among other things.

Residents said Korn's profanity-laced lyrics easily could be heard in their homes.

``I came home from the hospital Tuesday, and I couldn't get to sleep,'' said Peg Sexton, who lives north of the venue in The Woodlands community. ``I've never, ever had it so loud. It was like it was across the street.

``It's unbelievable. We don't get that noise from a thunderstorm.''

Storms said the decision to seek legal action against Clear Channel is overdue.

``I don't have any sympathy for Clear Channel - a bane on them,'' she said. ``May the worms of your avarice infect your intestines.''

Charlie Ochs, of Infinity Broadcasting, which owns country radio station WQYK, 99.5 FM, and is producing Saturday's benefit concert, promised noise levels will be within legal limits. Because the amphitheater's lawn area won't open for the show, several large speakers won't be used, he said.

Tuesday's concert wasn't the first to draw the ire of residents and the EPC. The agency recorded noise violations at each of the 11 concerts it monitored at the venue since it opened.

In August, the EPC issued an administrative enforcement order to Clear Channel and the Florida State Fair Authority, which owns the property, after receiving dozens of complaints.

Clear Channel was ordered to submit a plan to the EPC within 15 days to permanently fix the noise problems. Clear Channel since has received an extension. The matter is scheduled to go before a hearing master in March.

Clear Channel didn't have a representative at the specially called EPC meeting Thursday.

In a five-page letter to the commission, the company said it has enacted several measures to reduce noise, including installing noise-muffling blankets along an outer wall, reducing decibel levels at the mixing booth, requiring performances to end by 10 p.m. and monitoring noise levels at all events.

Until Tuesday, noise complaints had dropped significantly since the order was issued, EPC officials said.

Fair authority attorney Gordon Schiff said the authority and Clear Channel have made a good effort to work with the county.

``We think that progress has continued and should continue,'' he said.

Because the problems have persisted, commissioners said, immediate action was warranted. 

Strangely though, Commissioners did not pursue an injunction. The amphitheater's only remaining 2004 event, the Charlie Daniels Band's "Charlie-palooza" concert, is part of a major charity fundraiser for The Angelus, a home for the handicapped.

Had the concerts been reversed - had Charlie Daniels been the offender, and Korn still to come - the county likely would have gone forward with the injunction, said Rick Tschantz, general counsel for the EPC.

Clear Channel ``is playing with us,'' Commissioner Jim Norman said. ``It's that's simple.''